Kobayashi Maru

So today is an “anniversary” for me. At least that is what we call it. I have often wondered why we use the term “anniversary” colloquially only to refer to annual celebrations of weddings i.e. wedding anniversary, but we say birthday to celebrate the anniversary of our birth.  And we use Christmas to denote the anniversary of the birth of Christ.  And we use a length of time in conjunction with “reunion” when we celebrate the anniversary of our graduation from school (like this fall will be my 20th reunion - though I have not attended anything close to 10 others).

For those who pay homage to the great god google I give you this piece of intelligentsia:

An anniversary (from the Latin anniversarius, from the words for year and to turn, meaning (re)turning yearly; known in English since c. 1230) is a day that commemorates and/or celebrates a past event that occurred on the same day of the year as the initial event. For example, the first event is the initial occurrence or, if planned, the inaugural of the event. One year later would be the first anniversary of that event.

But this day is actually none of the above, but it does commemorate a past event - 12 years ago today my father died much too young.  He was 57 years old.  He never saw me marry Ferf.  He never saw me move to Nepal.  He never saw me get dual citizenship.  He never got to talk to me about my travels all over Africa and south-east Asia.  He never heard me speak exotic languages poorly.  He never saw the birth of the Muppet - nor any of the followig growth she has done in the almost 5 years since.  He never drank really good scotch with me and talked about my life and my goals and dreams.  He never saw me get my CFRE designation or the years of work that went into earning it.  He never celebrated my first 7 figure gift that I brought into an organization.  He never saw the first house I bought…or the second one for that matter.  He never saw me screw up so badly and then pull life out of the ditch (with the help of more friends than I could ever create nicknames for).

Bottom line…he missed a lot.  And the list grows every day.  I think that is one of the hardest things to get over.  He should be 69,  about to turn 70 this year.  That’s young…young enough to still be alive that’s for darn sure.

He died of cancer over a decade ago.  Sometimes I think I am still pissed at him for having the audacity to die.  Yes, that is incredibly self-absorbed to the point of bordering on narcissim…I’m comfortable with that.  At least I’m self aware.  SO many people miss the boat on that one.  But not me.  I got that going for me.  Which is nice.

It is an amzing thing that our subconscious can remember the anniversary of the deaths of loved ones even we don’t consciously think about it.  I had a list of things to do today that I didn’t really get through.  I just wasn’t feeling it, you know?  I couldn’t get in te groove.  I felt blaise and weird and out of sorts.  I wasn’t depressed but I was far from perky.  Then I looked at the calendar and it occurred to me that this was the day that my father had died on.  That gives me a complete pass on all things emotional I think.  It’s like playing the orphan card (which Ferf and Merf do WAY better than I because they have lost both parents at much younger ages than I lost the one, so in the scheme of things they totally win on this).  If I kinds sulk around on the 19th of May and just don’t get a lot done (or at least as much as you or anyone else thinks I should) then I get to play the “my dad died on this day in 1997″ card and you have to back off.  It’s like a rule.  No, more like a law.  A universal law that must be obeyed.

I am lucky in the one respect that my wife and her family totally get what I am going through.  Marvin married a girl and BOTH her parents are still alive!  It’s like she’s rubbing it in.  She can sympathize, but I get the full on empathy.  It’s a totally different ballgame.

So here’s the deal.  All of you out there with fathers that are still alive.  Right now, go….wait!!!  WHAT ARE YOU DOING??   Okay.  OKay, not RIGHT NOW…let me finish first.   Go get a pen and paper, or open your Outlook (or whatever email client you have chosen or opted to accept like mindless sheep because it came installed on your Bill Gates controlled PC - those of you who use Eudora or Thunderbird, you get a pass from that last rant.  If you own a Mac, then you get a cookie) and wrote them a letter RIGHT NOW telling them how much you love them and that you appreciate everything they do/have done for you - especially the being alive part, that is more important than you realize, trust me on this one.  It doesn’t have to be long, though seriously, if you are balking at this because of the necessary length of said letter, than you do not understand the point behind this and I am going to have to ask you to go stand in the hall for 20 minutes or until you realize what a selfish punk you are - whichever comes first.

Then, call them too.  Becaus hearing their voice is something you should do as often as you can.  Just because you can.  Besides, Fathers Day is coming up.   Get a jump on the crowd.

Go…

Go on,

DO IT.

I am going to call them and ask if you did or not.  I swear.  GO!