Christmas in TEXAS!!!! It’s everything that you might expect! The weather was as warm as the people and the food was amazing.
Many of you are aware that we (Ferf, the Muppet and I) had decided that this year we were staying put in K-town for Christmas. The Muppet is 3 and old enough to really start “getting” Christmas, so it seemed appropriate to start our own family traditions this year. BUT…Uncle ScottyBear and his woman Yoda (you remember her from last year right? Did you do the ear thing?) decided to celebrate their nuptials on the 23rd of December in Texas. (If I say “selfish bastards” what I really mean is “amazing people for wanting us to be at their wedding” - you know, in case they read this…)
SO we packed up 4 suitcases of the Muppet’s stuff and an overnight back for the 2 adults and traipsed down to the motherland of Tejas. We spent some time with my family and then settled in for 3 days of hell wedding preparations at the in-laws place.
Before I regale you with stories of my family or Ferf’s family, I have to tell you a little something about the Muppet. So, she is 3 now. She is a beautiful little girl,and I am learning to be a “girl daddy” a little better every day. Girls are different in more ways than just the internal plumbing. So, I do my best to understand the female psyche and speak in ways that she both understands and appreciates. Thusly, I have taken to getting her to do things by “singing” my requests rather than simply stating them. This is not to say that I have a singing voice of any kind, because I do not. One of the things my father left me when he died was his inability to carry a tune in the proverbial bucket. But I am not talking about belting out the hallelujah chorus in 3 part harmony here. We are talking more like a sing-songy voice. Anyway, either you are picking up what I am putting down or not - either way, I must move on for the good of everyone else.
So, one morning Ferf asks me if I would get the Muppet dressed. This seemed like a reasonable request. She is my daughter and I do know how to dress - if not someone else, at least myself, at lest when Ferf lays out my clothes. SO, since Ferf had indeed laid out the Muppet’s clothing, I said sure. Then I set off to get the Muppet to think this was as good an idea as we her parents did. I found out that her priorities are not the same as ours. Our ways are higher than her ways and our thoughts are higher than her thoughts…I felt like a deity for a moment when I said it that way. But that moment passed and I was quickly back to chasing the Muppet around the in-laws house and trying to coerce her into removing her pajamas and putting on the clothes that Mom had indicated where scheduled for that day.
Eventually I went into the bedroom and just quietly started calling her name and asking where she was into the air. This piqued her interest and she eventually tottled down the hall and poked her head into the bedroom and said, “here I am daddy!” I smiled the hugest smile and told her that this made my day as she was my favorite Muppet in the whole world and it made my heart happy to see her. This got me a big smile and hug - and I thought to myself, “I so have this kid. I am a psychological GIANT!” Then I “sang” to her, “let’s take off our pajamas”. No, sing. You have to sing it or you will totally miss the impact of this story, and we both know that you are here for impact. So let’s try again…”let’s take off our pajamas”. (much better that time. see how much more meaningful it is when you let go of your pride and just enter into the story as a participant instead of some digital voyeur after the fact?)
And on a side note, I do not know why children respond better when you say things in the plural as opposed to the singular. If I had said, take off your pajamas instead of let’s take off our pajamas, it would not have worked. It wasn’t like I was wearing pajamas. And we don’t really have some kind of joint ownership of the pajamas - they are solely hers, but for whatever reason children like it when “we” do things even if they are the only ones actually doing it. So “we” took off “our” pajamas. And then she was standing then naked as a jaybird. So I sang the next line of the ongoing song that I was writing as we went along. The first line was the aforementioned “let’s take off our pajamas.” SING IT DAMN YOU! Ok. And the next line was, “Let’s put on our panties.” Again, I did not put on panties. I do not wear panties. I do not own panties. I was doing this as a father trying to reach out to his daughter in meaningful ways. So, I sang the line, “Let’s put on our panties…” To which my daughter responded by singing back to me in the exact same tone and rhythm, “so no one can see my vagina!!!” Yeah, you don’t have to sing that part.
I sort of ducked my head and thought, “singing time is officially over.” We got dressed the rest of the way in a more utilitarian mode. The Muppet asked if I wanted to keep singing and I told her that it was obvious that Mommy had been teaching her the words to that particular song, so maybe she should go sing it with Mommy, in front of Mommy’s 91 year old grandmother in the living room. And I sent her out to play with the family, while I stayed in the bedroom curled up in the fetal position ina transitional state somewhere between laughing hysterically and crying…
And that was the first day of the trip. I got more, as the title implies, but after that story, I still need a moment to myself….come back later and I’ll be alright.
By the way, Happy New Year.